"What if our relationship with God isn't about what we get but who we become? And not who we become by who we try to be, but who we become because of our openingness to a Love that's greater than anything we can image?"
And so it is with our lives sometimes, right? I've come to discover that it's not just me but many us of who often try to get to the answer, the point of understanding and clarity, the sense that we know whatever it is we've been dying to find out from God, quicker than it's taking.
We rush through our prayers, our worship, our daily spiritual practices often to get wherever it is we're trying to be (literally and spiritually). Yes, sometimes it's because we have hectic schedules but many times it's because we don't want to go through the uncomfortable, challenging, and confusing process. I wonder when we sit down to hear from God, if we're thinking, "Hurry up and get to the good part -- the part where I'm the winner."
But isn't the "sitting down" what God (and our spirit) really wants? Not sitting down on life or problems, but sitting down with Him/Her and our true nature? Just being present. Not looking at it as another meeting, another thing to do, something to pass through, another obstacle or failure but a genuine time of worship, in spirit and in truth.
We've all heard, "It's the journey and not the destination that matters." So, what if our relationship with God isn't about what we get but who we become? And not who we become by who we try to be, but who we become because of our openingness to a Love that's greater than anything we can image?
I remember hearing a meditation once called, "The Fear of Transformation," from the Essene Book of Days by Danaan Perry. It's about the feeling of letting go of a trapeze swing and how that forces open the space in between two trapezes, once you've let go of one and you're waiting for the other to come close enough to grab; how you have to let go, if but for a second, of one before you receive the next one.
What's that space like for you? How are you there -- dangling, lingering, waiting and preparing? Are you anxious? Fearful? Peaceful? Confident? We all experience these in-between spaces. We are there when we let go of the day and fall asleep; when we let go of jobs (or are released from them) sometimes before securing another one; when we let go of loved ones and relationships, willingly or not; when we let go of control of our bodies when we go into surgery. We are constantly letting go and waiting in the in-between space of the trapezes.
Perry also states in his article turned mediation, "I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a no-place between places. Sure, the old trapeze-bar was real, and the new one coming towards me, I hope that's real too. But the void between? That's just a scary, confusing, disorienting 'nowhere' that must be gotten through as fast and as unconsciously as possible." Then he goes on to the part that pulled at me, "I have a sneaky suspicion that the transition zones in our lives are the incredibly rich places. They should be honored, even savored."
Ha! Maybe our in-between spaces are the spaces where God can do His best work in us. They are the spaces where we are vulnerable, and most open to love and our childlike nature, and less driven by control and ego. Maybe, at least every now and then, we have to go through the in-between space to remember what it feels like to fall in love, to surrender, to trust, to be held. Maybe we remember then what it feels like to breathe and to be breathed into.
Maybe our in-between spaces are the intentional third space God designed as a reminder that, in all our beauty and intelligence, there is something greater if we surrender to it and trust. It's counter-culture, but maybe it's a gift to not always know, to not always feel the rush to figure it out, to just be in that space, not alone but in the presence of the Spirit that created us. Maybe that's where and when we see God, where and when we laugh and play, where and when we truly rest and refuel, where and when we completely let go and transcend.
I'm still tempted to drive faster to see a sign when I don't know where I'm going, and, trust me, I have to catch myself from rushing through the in-between spaces life offers in every season. But I've learned that when I still my mind and become centered in my heart, when I pull up my faith -- even though there is fear and uncertainty in the in-between moments -- there is a peace and a Love that comes shining through, carrying me and life from one trapeze sing to the next. I can't help but to think that this in-between space, this gap, that we all want to close our eyes in and stumble through, just might be the precious doorway we've been yearning to enter.